Monoday ‘08: In Retrospect

A few days ago it was my birthday; Monoday. I am now 23. Every day has with it its own set of struggles, and sometimes I may fall into doubting myself, and my call. It seems then, an ample time to look back on the last year, if not the last few, in an attempt to rediscover my footing. Many people walk through life so focused on what is behind them that they do not watch where they are going. Others worry about tomorrow, and then when tomorrow comes, worry about it some more. Neither is a healthy, or empowering, way to live. Some time to remember lessons learnt, to see where you are and where you are going, is time well spent however. After all, those who ignore the past are doomed to repeat it; mistakes and all.

As my mind begins to wander, I find myself first looking back to this time last year. From then until now there are some very apparent differences. Back then I was in the final leg of my studies; at this time polishing off my final assignments and looking down the barrel of my end-of-year, and end-of-degree exams. At this point I had never even been overseas, and I hadn’t really fleshed out any plan for ’08, but I was thrilled at the prospect that I wouldn’t study any more!

I was now looking at quite a large transition for me. For the past 17 years I had been going to school day in and day out. Every November I was ready for holidays, and safe in the knowledge that I would be starting a new year at school after some relaxation. This time was different though, as I had for the first time in almost two decades not known what I would be doing the following February. So I met with my Pastor (and possibly future boss) about what I would do in ’08. Most of my friends had already, or were going to be finished in their studies and were making the sensical transition of getting a job! But I was still in the dark about my fate. No plans really came from the meeting, and my future actually wasn’t the topic of discussion. However my pastor must have coerced out of me distant memories of being called to Thailand, and he set it up for me to go the following January to “discover”.

As 2008 approached I received an out-of-the-blue email telling me that a considerable sum of money had been raised to send me to Thailand. This was a problem for me though, as I had never been very good at accepting money from people. I remember once someone wanted to give me $10. I was so… embarrassed perhaps, that I did my utmost to convince them that they needed to keep it for themselves. But this was a lot more than $10. It was too late however, the money had been collected already, and the owners fell silent. The money was mine. So nervously, I stuttered my way to accepting it. Of course, the amount almost doubled by the time that I actually received it, and I learnt, the “hard” way, to allow people to bless me with their money.

2008 rolled around and off I went to Thailand. There I discovered and spied out the land, and came back thinking I’d be off again within weeks. Alas, however, I was not sent back straight away. Instead I was sent to do more study! My 17 years would become 17 and a half! I was first sent to gain another Certificate IV to throw onto the heap, this time in Missiology, all the while preparing myself with research on Thailand.

During this time of research I acquired a shallow understanding of Therevada Buddhism and other local Thai beliefs, as well as of the works being done there. I also gained access to the local Thai community here and began to learn Thai. It was this foundation (shaky as it may be) that allowed me to survive for a month in Thailand, often on my own.

As July then crept up, I began planning for my next trip to Thailand, and once again found myself by in large provided for. On this trip I found it difficult to see how a full-time return could happen, though soon after returning, a missionary friend who coordinated the Mission course I undertook contacted me recommending a program that would train me in effective cross-cultural mission. This would also be my way to a full-time return as this program is run by an international mission agency with a strong presence in Thailand.

So I began to prepare for my return, which promised to be very early in 2009, and what better way to prepare then to do ANOTHER course? That’s right, to make it an even 18 years, I am now completing a Certificate IV in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). Needless to say I am not betting on having no more study next year (especially with grammar like that!). Lessons have been learnt. Without bogging down in mindless detail however, the early return in 2009 has been delayed some few months, but things are still working out, in fact, not one week ago my details were passed on for some other work in Thailand. I’m sure you’ll all find out ONE day.

As many victories that there have been for me, as many changes in the past year, there has however, also been some hurt around my life. Many people hear before they become a Christian that life changes rapidly for a Christian; that lives are instantly transformed and nothing bad happens anymore. This, I promise you all, is nonsense. Christianity is called a crutch by many of its opponents. This I wish was true, as life can get worse for a Christian, and instead of going away, questions can become more frequent, and louder. But we have been warned. Before promising the Holy Spirit in John 16, Jesus warned that his followers would suffer. If the very master was hung upon a cross, how could we be exempt? Life has shown its difficulties, but if I can’t deal with what is thrown at me now, how will I ever survive the perils that are to come?

~ by Mono on November 6, 2008.